entry nº 8 // 20161114

hey, you know what i forgot to do the other day? use the washlet before wiping myself after going to the bathroom. does that ever happen to you? probably not, because you live in a filthy, horrible country w/ a paper-based butt-wipe culture. it’s just gross and i will never go back to it when i return to the states. we had an old busted washlet here at the beach house, but shoko’s dad decided to have a new one installed when he found out that we both share an enthusiasm for washlets and the washlet experience. i was particularly shocked to find out that the entire toilet was to be replaced, not just the special toilet seat which is available now in the states, i believe. like, it’s an entire integrated toilet system or something. the installation guy left behind a catalog detailing the entire range of Toto™ washlet systems + accessories; some of them like literally extend throughout the whole bathroom and encompass the sink, faucet and vanity, etc. wow. shoko’s dad was here hanging out + overseeing the installation, and when the toilet install guy was done shoko’s dad glanced back at me w/ this look of satisfaction and, in a semi-hushed, complicitous tone, simply said “washlet.” while slowly nodding his head. it was incredible.  

of course, you’re like “what is the WASHLET kevin,” and of course i will now proceed to tell you in this paragraph, immediately after this sentence. it’s a combination of toilet hygienic features centered around a nozzle that emerges from beneath the toilet seat, like a little benevolent lavatory sanitation goblin, and sprays a finely-tuned jet of water to clean out your butthole and/or vagina after you’ve finished w/ your business in there, you freak. optional side features include: heated seat; auto lid open/close; a privacy function (i guess for if you’re ashamed b/c maybe you went through some sort of humiliating bathroom experience as a kid, maybe high school, faulty lock mechanism on the stall somehow conspiring to fail at just the wrong moment, etc., who knows, or maybe just simple personal preference, really could be anything) that, while you are doing your business, plays a low-quality pre-recorded audio loop of a toilet flushing; and various other amenities. of course, water pressure/temperature and nozzle position are all adjustable from the remote-control unit mounted on the wall. i am not joking or being twee or whatever when i say that the washlet is way superior and incredibly pleasant and it makes you feel super clean and fresh. highly recommended. and the thing is, they’re everywhere: i can’t speak for, you know, everybody’s house or apartment or whatever, but most every public bathroom i’ve been in out here has had one. really changes the calculus when it comes to having to take care of business when you’re out+about, that’s for sure. 

something else you don’t know about me is that about a month ago i performed in a capoeira demonstration as part of this big b-boy show all about the history of b-boy culture that was all intricately staged + being filmed for a dvd + the whole deal. it was neat. all sorts of new people coming+going and of course i was kind of struggling to figure out exactly what was going on the whole time b/c language barrier. but it was fun + also kind of funny b/c there didn’t really seem to be that many people in the audience once the show started? i imagined the show’s organizers looking out over the scattered non-crowd and being bummed by the low turnout but trying to make themselves feel okay about it and stuff. 

but the main point is that in the green room area of the venue, while we [the capoeira people] were all just hanging around basically forever because of the long-winded rehearsal schedule, i heard a guy in the next room over speaking english w/ a thick new york accent. i got psyched on finding another american there and went in to talk to him. he was an old-school b-boy from back in the day named tony “pex” lopez – we ended up talking for a while and he kind of went on about his life and what he’s up to and i did my best to keep up w/ his stories about being in “the entertainment business” and it was an enjoyable, friendly, slightly strange conversation. only later did i find out from one of the other capoeira people that he’s, like, very famous? and they flew him out there for this b-boy thing because everybody knows who he is, and he was in “beat street” which i have not seen or heard of, and as part of the new york city breakers he may or may not have met sinatra and danced in front of ronald reagan and been on the merv griffin show, based on a cursory reading of a couple wikipedia articles. wow! nice guy, though. he pulled out some big, gnarly power moves during the show despite being in his 50s and living in florida and stuff. felt nice to make some entirely incidental, passing connection w/ some guy in a context that is pretty completely detached from the strictures + stratifications that would keep us from ever crossing paths in our home country. 

shoko and i took the ferry to nokonoshima (which, in case you can’t remember from an earlier installment, is an island across the bay from where we live) to explore for the day. “cool, first time out there, kevin?” no. in fact, we were over there for isla de salsa way back when, but didn’t get time to really see the sights on noko island or anything. this time we headed over there to go to nokonoshima seaside park, which is way up at the top of the island, pretty high up their overlooking the ocean + the city + everything else, and which in certain areas gets all overblossomed w/ pink+purple flowers during the spring/summer/fall and which is really quite beautiful, quite a thing to behold or whatever. we got kind of a late start, and it turns out the park closes a bit earlier than you’d expect (like, 5:30pm or something? come on), so we only ended up having a little bit of time out there. we found an awesome quiet spot to sit and drink the beers we’d brought with us, which turned out to be SO GROSS i can’t even understand how anyone could even really call it “beer” and sell it in a store to other human beings for money? so we dumped ’em out while we watched the sun start to go down, and headed out of there. deciding to not let ourselves be constrained by the quite infrequent ferry-port-bound bus schedule, we walked all the way back down to the little town below along the magical totally dark mountain forest road. totally evocative and dreamy and peaceful. it’s funny how simple it is to not make a memory (sit around forever waiting for a bus to show up to shuttle you down some road while you kind of feel a little bit carsick) or to not make a memory, like we did. it was great. when we were down along the water just outside of town, we passed by a jetty that shot straight out into the water. i walked out to the end and it was so dark, all dark sea water all around me, w/ only the city lights blinking in the distance. then i walked back to where shoko was sitting and we realized we had to kind of hustle in order to make the next ferry, so we jogged the rest of the way there, giggling of course because for some reason having to hustle to catch something seems to cause giggles?, and made it just as the boat was pulling up. 

also i just went to thailand for 12 days which was an incredible experience that made me feel like i was literally overflowing w/ sensory information, little bits+bytes just like pouring out the various five sensory input/output connections, and i want to tell you all about it but it’ll have to wait till next time because there’s just too much to say, too much to say. 

love,

kevin